


free to leave me

by alexiley



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Heavy Angst, Minor Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, seasons 1-3, slight Tim/Sasha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:00:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25387189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexiley/pseuds/alexiley
Summary: Amazing how three words can so easily damn someone.“Go get help!” Tim shouts to Sasha over the sound of worms and dark muttering.She vanishes with a quick glance at him over her shoulder.That is the last time he sees her; the real her at least.Even now he can’t remember what she looked like.
Relationships: Sasha James & Tim Stoker
Kudos: 12





	free to leave me

Amazing how three words can so easily damn someone.

“Go get help!” Tim shouts to Sasha over the sound of worms and dark muttering.

She vanishes with a quick glance at him over her shoulder.

That is the last time he sees her; the real her at least.

Even now he can’t remember what she looked like.

After Prentiss, she isn’t the same. None of them are. Jon is paranoid to the point of stalking his co-workers, going through their things when he thinks no one will notice; Martin is still Martin, but Tim can tell he is more terrified than he’s ever been in his life; and Tim? He used to smile, used to make jokes and terrible puns, used to flirt, used to laugh. Now Tim is just angry.

He’s angry at everything and everyone. He’s angry at Jon for suspecting him of murder. He’s angry at Elias for he didn’t know what, keeping them in the dark for so long he guesses. He’s angry at Martin for still caring for Jon when he, of all people, deserves it the least. But he thinks he is most angry at Sasha.

He doesn’t know why.

This new Sasha isn’t warm. She smiles, she laughs, she speaks politely, she does her job well. She isn’t warm.

As far as he is concerned, Sasha has always been this distant. Has always made his skin crawl a bit whenever she speaks to him. Has always had a knowing smile painted on her face that never quite reaches her cold, empty eyes.

He should have suspected earlier. Should have seen it. Should have seen that thing for what it really was.

Because it wasn’t her. It was something  _ wearing _ her. His Sasha was gone, and she wouldn’t be coming back.

And he hadn’t even noticed.

When he finds out, he wishes he can say something clicks, that he suspected something was off with her and was proven right. But all he feels is...nothing.

There is no sadness or grief because there is no one to grieve. He can’t remember her. He can’t remember their time spent together. He can’t remember her face. He can't even remember what her voice sounded like until he digs up some old tapes and plays them.

The voice on those tapes leaves even more of a gaping hole in his chest. He is faced with the paradox of missing someone he is nearly convinced he never knew.

_ Because he doesn’t remember. _

And it’s like Danny all over again.

You see, Tim was angry from the very beginning; he came to the Magnus Institute because of what happened to his brother, and he was angry then and is angry now. It’s almost like nothing has changed. He loses people he cares about, and he supposes that’s just a fact of life.

So he pushes everyone away. He hates Jon more than ever. Martin tries to be himself, kind and welcoming, but Tim wants none of it. He pushes and pushes and pushes until he is alone with his anger and the ache in his chest.

So at the idea of a suicide mission to finally destroy the thing that took Danny from him, the thing that took Sasha, he’s ready. He’s ready to rip and tear and scream and burn it all down because that’s all he’s holding on to. Tim is far past the point of grief now.

His tears still sting as he sits in the dark, awaiting the glow of morning. He isn’t an idiot. He knows he won’t be coming back to the archives after this mission.

He is sure to say goodbye to Martin before he leaves, wishes him well; Martin doesn’t begin to tear up until Tim is gone.

Jon doesn’t warrant such a goodbye; once the House of Wax begins to unspool around him, once the universe is pulled apart at the seams, all Tim has is his anger, his anger at Jon. Had he once called him a friend? He thinks so.

But Jon asks him what he  _ sees. _

And Tim sees Nikola Orsinov standing above them both, a bit on edge now, and he finds himself smiling as his grip tightens around the detonator in his hand because he  _ knows _ what he came here to do.

“You idiot,” Orsinov spits after casting Jon away and further into the chaos. “Do you really think the world will fare any better under the Watcher? You think you’re saving anyone?”

“I don’t care.” And he means it.

“You can’t even save  _ him _ .”

Tim thinks about Jon then and some of his hatred drains away. Some small part of him is grateful.

His voice is steady. “ _ But I can hurt you _ .”

Orsinov is scared now, furious, but scared. “It will  _ not _ end like this.”

Tim laughs dryly, “You sound stressed. You know I hear the great Grimaldi’s in town. You should go see it, cheer yourself up.”

“That’s. Not. Funny.”

And Tim allows himself a smile.

“I know.”

And even now as his thumb tightens on the trigger he thinks: shouldn’t his life be flashing before his eyes? Shouldn't he get a playback of every time Sasha smiled at him? Shouldn’t he see her face? Isn’t that how this works?

But he does not remember. He is alone.

Tim pushes the trigger and the world erupts as the Stranger is plunged into flame. He is happy it will be the last thing he sees.

He really hopes it hurts.

**Author's Note:**

> I miss him, guys.  
>   
> Thanks so much for reading! Comments and kudos are always appreciated. If you're curious, the title came from "El Tango De Roxanne" from Moulin Rouge (why yes, I did listen to that song on repeat while writing this).  
>   
> Also please come say hi on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/alexiley) and scream about tma with me if you like :)


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